Knocked Down
Yesterday I had a breakdown. I lost it. The tension I had been feeling for the last week of confinement burst out.
When this happens, I usually get self-destructive and spiral down into harmful habits. I divert my attention from the screaming pain by overeating and binge watching. I try to escape from my emotions.
But at some point, I become aware of what’s happening. After what can sometimes be hours, I realize my state of mind and that it’s just one of these moments. The pain of getting knocked down is still there, but I know how to get out of it. The illusion has been shattered and the fun work can start.
“Fall down seven times, rise up eight.”
These moments aren’t signs of weakness. They are gifts. Life is telling us what we need to focus on. So there’s really no point in shaming ourselves when we fall short and stumble.
If we picture our “bad days” as signs that something is wrong with us, we’re in for a slope of unhappiness. The reality is that we get knocked down because we are human beings. In the short time I’ve spent on Earth so far, I’ve realized that no one is perfect. Everybody has breakdowns and makes mistakes. The difference lies in how we approach them.
What should we do when we inevitably get knocked down in life?
Phil Stutz, the mentor of my mentor, tells us we all have glitches in our lives. Moments when we fall down and act out. Our job is to collect turnarounds by getting really good at recovering from them. Step back from the situation and see what you can learn from it. The most important question is: how quickly you can find back your balance and reconnect with your highest self?
Over time, I’ve created my own turnaround protocol. Here is how I stand back up when I have breakdowns:
1. Break the momentum
My first step is to stop the process of spiraling down and to create a break between stimulus and response. As soon as I notice this state of mind, I usually cut out all inputs (physical and mental). The key here is to avoid further distracting myself with technology and food since establishing our awareness will help us stand back up. Taking a deep breath (in through the nose, into the belly) can also help to calm down and get ready for step 2.
2. Practice self-compassion and awareness
After, I sit down in silence and meditate. I start by forgiving myself for my breakdown. I recall my common humanity. Everyone goes through these moments, nothing is wrong with me. I send love to myself by repeating phrases like “May I be happy, may I be free from my suffering”. My meditation is usually not very deep. I just notice what’s happening and try to focus on my breath. However, it helps me to slow down and to create space for me to respond in a better way. Little by little, I manage to see the situation as it is.
3. Learn from it
One of the most important steps of this process is when I bust out my journal and ask myself three questions. This practice helps me shift my perspective from “something is wrong” to “what can I learn from this?” If you’ve gone through a bad day, a glitch, or made a mistake recently, I highly encourage you to try this.
First, ask yourself what’s awesome right now. What are some things you are proud of? Think of recent moments where you acted as your best self. What are you grateful for? How did you handle this situation well?
Second, what needs work? What areas in your life (energy, work, love) are you falling short on? Why did you get knocked down? What needs improvement?
Finally, how can I optimize? List out ways you could have handled the situation better. What can you work on? Is there something you need to start or stop doing? How are you going to integrate these teachings into your life, starting today?
Don’t overthink this exercise. See what you can learn and how you can prevent this from happening again.
4. Create a recovery protocol
If I’m feeling really down, I also create a recovery protocol. I write down what good habits I need to focus on now, like my #1 self-care habit, and which ones to avoid (ex: screens and sugar). Usually, my recovery starts with ensuring that I get a good night of sleep. This way, I can start clearly the next day, guided by new insights.
…
I love when these glitches happen (and they always will) because I know there is so much I can learn from them. The turnaround process always gives me new perspectives. Getting knocked down helps us grow. But only if we stand back up and learn from our experiences.
Back to you! What do YOU do when you get knocked down? How do you respond when you experience a glitch? And how fast can you catch yourself and turn things around? Can you bring in more self-compassion and awareness into your process?
